


Dear Diary

by Taytay95



Category: Naruto
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Feelings, M/M, Online Friendship, Online Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29478702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taytay95/pseuds/Taytay95
Summary: Sakura has some things to get off her chest and decides to write in her diary. Based on actual events. Some strong language.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Kudos: 8





	Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

It's me, Sakura Hatake. Yep! You read right! Hatake! I got married almost four years ago to a guy named Kakashi. A little older than me but one of the smartest men I know. He runs a small business here in Tokyo. Yes, the same city I grew up in. I know, I know. It's been literal years since I've written in here. I guess I felt like it was childish when I became an adult. Jokes on me because this seems to be the only place, I can get some real closure on some shit. Even though the only person that would probably ever be seeing it is me and the white walls that surround me. My life is truly not THAT interesting.

Where do I even start with the current situation…

Let me start at the beginning. Over ten years ago now. No. More than that. I was twelve years old. That tender age where you don't really know where you belong. And, according to my mom and stepdad was the year that started "The Dark Time." Which I have never really understood. I was a typical kid that basically lived under a rock.

For context purposes, my parents divorced when I was barely a toddler. I don't remember their happy times together. Only the times of hate and unrest. Times where the other was speaking ill of the other.

I spent most of my time at my mother, Mebuki's house. The other ridiculously small portion of my time was spent at my dad's house. Now, my mother was an extremely strict person. So much so that I was taught at home and was not allowed to listen to music because it was against my natural body rhythm and was against the gods' design.

My dad, on the other hand, was not like that all. When I visited him, it was almost a free for all. I could listen to the music I wanted and watch the shows I wanted. I was still a very introverted kid so the things that I was doing were mild, even as an adult I still view the things I was doing as mild. I got my own online account and met a boy. A boy that was a little younger than me. But one that took the same interest in me that I did in him. We liked all of the same things. He was kind, understanding and just a sweet person. His name? Sasuke Uchiha.

And that is where this more than a decade long situation begins.

We chatted as often as we could. That meant all of my time at my dad's house was spent talking to Sasuke. It also meant the times my mother wasn't looking; I would sneak online and talk to him. It was the highlight of my life in a very dark time of what Kakashi calls verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse. Sasuke and I talked as constantly as the situation allowed for over a year. We got to the point of claiming each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Saying the three words and even talking of some sort of future. As much of a future as two thirteen-year-olds can think of.

Of course, I had to open my bog fat mouth to a friend that I thought I could trust and told them to be my friend on that online account. Her parents caught her. They called my parents. And that was the end of that.

I was beaten to the point I could not sit down for a while and my account was deleted. Bye bye Sasuke. And bye bye a piece of my fragile young heart.

I was terrified to even go near an electronic device for fear of getting caught.

Fast forward a couple years, I am now sixteen and Sasuke still has that part of my thoughts. Emotion takes over fear and I reach out to him via my sister and low and behold, HE RESPONDS!

We picked up right where we left off, of course just a few years older and more mature. We talked nonstop. Like I said before, nonstop as much as time and secrecy from my mother would allow.

Until….

Until one day I get a message from him telling me he liked boys as well as girls. That he was being vulnerable with me. Telling me that if we were to continue our relationship that I should know. That was too much for me at the time. The previous person that I had cared for, Kiba, had hurt me pretty bad when he came out and told me there was no chance because he had a boyfriend that he loved. Which now I completely respect and am so happy that Kiba has found the love of his life and partner in crime.

Anyways, reading those words from Sasuke scared me to death. I was afraid that it would be another heartbreak just like with Kiba.

So, what did my stupid sixteen-year-old self-do? I told him I was uncomfortable and that we needed to break up and just be friends. Which was completely wrong and stupid thing to do. It did not end well. There were some words exchanged and that was the end.

But of course, because I am who I am, he never quite left my mind and even my heart.

Never did Sasuke's birthday pass when I wouldn't think about him. Or hear a song and think of him. Or a movie or a book or song.

Even with that, I dove headlong into religion and spirituality. Not the good kind. More like the cult kind now viewing from the outside. It was really fucking destructive and I really dug in and stayed steadfast in that for about five years.

Then when I met Kakashi. My worldview started changing. His openminded ways started to rub off on me. We married, much to my mother's chagrin, when I was twenty-two. It has been wonderful! I love that man so much! He is kind and patient and smart. He knows how to cheer me up and loves me no matter what state I am in. Which, let's face it, is pretty disheveled most of the time.

But Sasuke and the way I treated him still was in the back of my mind. I started to feel guilty about how I had behaved, and it was eating me alive. And I let it for a long time until I couldn't take it anymore.

And that is where the current situation begins.

I talked to Kakashi out of respect for him, of course as my husband, and asked if it made him uncomfortable if I were to reach out and at least apologize for my horrible behavior. He was, being Kakashi, totally fine with it and encouraged me to do whatever I felt was right.

That was when my research began to find Sasuke. I looked everywhere. Every site that I could get free info. Even to the point I paid a few bucks to get some more info. And at last, I found his email address.

So, I wrote him a long ass apology email and asked for forgiveness and said I would love to be friends.

I really wasn't expecting anything back from him. Thinking he had forgotten about me.

I was really wrong.

The next day I got an equally long ass email back about how he remembered me and was so happy. That he had gotten married to a guy named Naruto. But that it didn't end up working out. And so on.

I was beyond happy and beaming and gleaming and every word that you could use to describe happy. We chatted for as long as we could via text message. He told me he was still in Okinawa, his home city. And that he was working nights as a bartender.

It was like having my best friend back. We both agreed that our bond ran deep. Even though now it was simply platonic. Which we both made very clear.

It was like clockwork every day. We would talk for a while and then he would have to go to work and we would talk the next late morning. Until it wasn't.

One day, it just stopped. He stopped responding. Being me, I kept it going. Just kept texting random things. Thinking maybe he was just busy.

Because let's face it. Adults are busy.

Then it turned into a week. And then two weeks. And then a month.

I was so worried. I texted on holidays and asked if he was good. Nothing. Literally nothing back. It was beginning to break my heart. I had a good cry on Kakashi's shoulder and thought that would be the end of it. Moving on!

Then the other day I heard a song that reminded me of him, and our friendship and I lost it. I sent one last text. Saying it would be the last and I wish he would just tell me what went wrong. But that I would respect his lack of answering as a boundary and that maybe we had just changed too much. But of course, as it's been for years, he would always be in my heart and I would always care for him.

I cried as I typed this letter. Feeling it was a goodbye from me. But still holding hope that maybe he would respond, and I would have my friend back.

But nothing has come. And I still find myself checking my email and my texts just for some sort of response.

I do not understand why Sasuke would just ghost me like that. It seemed like a revived friendship and he just disappeared. I even wondered at one point if he had gotten sick and couldn't respond or even something worse. But they kept showing read receipts. So, it's been pretty clear.

Wrapping my head around it is impossible. Was it something I said? Was it an overexcitement about having him in my life again? Did that excitement scare him?

I wish he would just tell me. Even if it is negative. Even if he never wants to speak to me again. I prefer he just tell me. Because this waiting around is breaking my heart. And honestly, I don't know why it is breaking it so badly.

I wish I could get past this feeling. But it seems like the pain is just getting worse.

Kakashi has been so loving and kind and has talked to me many times about possible reasons. And, as much as I want to move on and forget about it. It's eating at me.

Maybe someday I will get answers from Sasuke…

Maybe not. But I know that one day I will learn to be okay with no answers.

Someday…

Until then, I guess I just have to carry on…

Yours Truly,

Sakura Hatake

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys!
> 
> This was a very hard one to write for me. It was literally written, spell checked and posted. It is a very raw and probably not very well written. But it came from a very vulnerable place and not without a few tears. It is one of the things that you just have to write about to get off your chest.
> 
> Though it really happened. It still hurts and nothing has been resolved.
> 
> I do hope that you enjoyed the oneshot. If you did please let me know in a comment.
> 
> Thank you for reading
> 
> 'Till next time.


End file.
